Why we are tracking the wackos

I work in a small public library in a midwestern town in a part of the United States known for being nice to people. But what civilians, i.e., those who don't work in libraries, generally don't know, is how many total wackos we enounter every day at the library.

For example, I came to work this morning to find 4 or 5 staff members discussing the latest incident with one of our regular wackos. The incident was pretty typical-she can't find the DVD she checked out last week, and is convinced that someone here at the library is conspiring against her. This has happened before. So I assured the staff that we just had to wait until one of her other personalities showed up, and then the wacko lady would be able to find the missing DVD.

The staff also told me that they had had several other wacko incidents last night they thought I should know about. One involved a woman who marched up to the service desk and demanded to know if her son had been on the public computers today. She did not identify herself or her son. Now, we are a small town, but not that small, and we are a pretty busy library. This particular wacko was pretty upset when she found out that
1. We don't know who she is.
2. We don't know her son
3. We don't keep track of who has been in the library and
4. We don't keep information on who has been on the computers.
Yes, I know it's many years later than 1984, and in spite of the Bush administration and the so-called "Patriot Act", we still aren't Big Brother.

The next wacko emailed and wanted us to renew her book. Here is a verbatim transcription of her email: "Please renew my book. Kim". Great! We must give Kim such good customer service that she believes she is the only one who uses the library. And that she is the only Kim in our world.

So, with all the wackos we have to deal with, we decided the best way to deal with them is to laugh at them. Yes, we do mean AT THEM. Other staff in our library will be adding to the Wacko Tracker as these things come up. C'mon everybody, join the fun!